Tea Shenanigans
by mageofpie
Summary: Rose and Kanaya have a tea party together with less than satisfactory results. Short one-shot that I wrote ages ago and thought I'd upload here.


You had supposed that sparing one of these long days on the meteor to do something other than write and alchemise wasn't that much of a travesty. Besides, you think a completely ironic girly tea party with Kanaya was well overdue.

Your constant interaction with the resident nightlight had the two of you dubbed lovingly as "The Classy Lesbians" by none other than your ectobrother. You had yet to exact your revenge but it's not like you were low on time. Three years with nothing to do was long enough to get in at least twice your annual quota of snarky horseshit in and then some.

But you digress.

Kanaya sat opposite you, a table between the both of you while pillows were scattered left, right, and centre to cushion your rumps from the cold, unforgiving meteor floor.

The tea sat brewing in its pot and the two of you had started talking about… whatever came to mind. Per usual.

"I am intrigued, Rose," The rainbow drinker piped up, "While I had partaken in tea parties with my lusus back on Alternia, I had never considered doing one with… with an audience of stuffed animals…" She glanced wearily at the line of plushies on either side you had made specifically for this occasion, each with its own tiny tea cup. Amidst the regular cat and dog toys were Smuppets(in case Dave needed to be persuaded to leave), Squiddles, and many of your own eldritch plush creations.

"Oh, but it's common practice back on earth to do so. If they are unnerving you we can move them." You smirked over at her and grabbed the Cthulhu doll, stroking the top of its fuzzy head with one hand and resting your chin on the other, like some kind of Bond villain.

"No, no, not at all, I was simply wondering…" Kanaya muttered, yet still tentatively pushed one of the Smuppets away from her.

As well as those you had also spent a tedious amount of time trying to alchemise the most obnoxiously pink and patterned tea set you could. The tea pot, milk jug, sugar bowl, and cups were all printed with intricate floral patterns. You would have gone with kittens too but you had to draw the line somewhere.

Also, do you know how long it takes to make doyleys from scratch? Quite a while, surprisingly.

"You said you had tea parties with your custodian?" Running a hand through your hair as far as it would go without dislodging your headband, you questioned Kanaya on her previous statement. She quickly looked up from poking the salamancer doll and raised her eyebrows.

"Ah, yes, well, when she was alive we would have parties such as this when I wasn't working on my designs and such. I would tell her about my day, and she hers… of course, nothing much changed each time but it was still nice to bond," There was a small smile flickering at her lips, "Also… uh, I kind of had to serve her tea with a straw. Her lack of opposable thumbs or any kind of gripping made it impossible for her to pick up the cup in the first place…"

Stifling your laughter by raising the plush in your hands to your mouth, you shook your head and tried to stop the erratic lurching of your shoulders. Kanaya looked up from the point on the table she had be staring at and pouted slightly which only made you giggle harder.

"Excuse you, it's not that funny!" Her green stained cheeks and furrowed brow made her not nearly as intimidating as she probably wanted to be.

"Oh my gods, Kanaya, that's utterly adorable."

"No it's not…" She folded her arms defiantly and you responded with the same as if to mock her. Although, _you _probably didn't look as intimidating as you had liked either, what with your luminescent orange god tier pyjamas and flushed cheeks from holding in laughter.

Pausing for a moment, the sylph glanced at the tea pot and raised an eyebrow to you.

"Rose?"

"Hm?"

"How long has the tea been brewing?"

… oops.

Quickly reaching over to open the top of the pot, the both of you peered into its depths to see what 10-minute-brewed tea looks like. What was inside was almost completely black; you were unable to even see the outline of the teabags inside. You both looked at each other and grimaced.

"Hmm… no matter, I'm sure it's not that bad." You dismissed, almost trying to convince yourself of this assumption.

Both of you filled the brightly decorated cups with tea, adding a little more milk and sugar than necessary and then chipped them together. A stare off immediately commenced, both of you daring the other to try the concoction first. You sighed from your nose and realised that there was no point playing mind games with your eyes when it was inevitable you were going to drink it anyway. Hesitantly raising the cup to your lips, you took a small sip and waited.

At first, nothing much happened, but you should have known by now that it takes longer to feel the burn of a flame than it does to stick your hand in the fire. Kanaya took your unfaltering expression to try her own tea… and then the bitterness came.

Good lord, the bitterness.

Inadvertently reaching for the small milk jug which was already half empty, your hand shot up to try and cover your not-very-attractive-at-the-moment scrunched up face. It seemed that the same taste had finally reached Kanaya's taste buds because she too reached for the pot of honey and scooped in another spoonful, tasted the brew, and made another noise of disgruntlement before adding another spoon.

Meanwhile, adding more and more milk to your own cup was doing nothing but lessening your dairy ammunition. You both looked up at the same time with identical expressions of disgust… but you'll be damned if you're going to let a beverage be your wits end.

"Milk… just… just add more milk…" You commanded to yourself out loud as your glowing companion did nothing but nod and stir in more honey.

A jug of milk, a bowl of honey, and another bowl of sugar later, the two of you sat there with cups of sickly sweet tea, your own diluted almost white with the amount of milk in it and hers nearly over flowing with honey and sugar. You pursed your lips and stirred the undrinkable liquid absentmindedly. It was unsalvageable now.

"Rose, I thought coffee was supposed to be the bitter one…?" Her voice was dripping in accusation, smile evident in her voice. You rolled your eyes. On any other day you would have replied with an equally as accusatory remark… but today was not one of those days.

"I think I have underestimated the tea leaves…"

"You think?"

You rolled your eyes and thanked whatever gods there were that your stuffed audience were unable to communicate with anyone.

"Look," Kanaya had set down her cup after fiddling with the handle for a bit, "I know you told me not to trouble myself about this the other day… but I have been drawing up some designs for a new outfit for you to replace your one-outfit wardrobe. If we are done here, then could you possibly… maybe… look at them? If you're not too busy after this, that is. I wouldn't want to distract you from your research or anything, I know how much you like to read the books in here. Maybe late-"

"Kanaya?"

"Yes?"

"You're rambling again."

Her blush was adorkable, as usual, "O-Oh. Right. So I am."

You set down your own cup of stagnant tea and stood up from the pillow mound, offering your hand to the vampire troll and smirking, "I would love to see them, Kanaya."

She grabbed your hand and her face lit up with a fang loaded grin. You'd come back later to clear everything up

It's not like you were running low on time.

* * *

**A Homestuck one-shot from forever ago, like damn son, this is old as hell :V**

**I think it was based on a prompt from someone on tumblr but I can't quite remember :I**

**But yeah, just wanted to upload it here for archiving reasons, and just a little fluffy Rosemary tea party thing idk**

**Mage**


End file.
